On the Threshold of Death‏

On the Threshold of Death

Black heart bleeds.

Broken.

Cut, stabbed.

Bruises bloom.

Mournful.

Heartache.

Fire surrounds.

Feeds the rain.

Ashes.

Fall steadily.

Symphonies of pain.

Torture.

Eye contact, lost.

Weak.

Paranoia.

Flying bodies.

Leave me to die.

Who says Only Guys can PLAY?

Who says only guys can play? Screw it. I play way better than my boyfriend. Hahaha got a screen shot to prove it.

Well, he was the one who trained me with everything; I will say everything you know what I mean. Hahaha well you see, before we met I don’t play anything on the internet nor any offline games. At first we don’t seem to click. I’m the sort of girl who just stays quiet and just read a book in the corner. I enjoyed reading a book or two for a week… I even finished the 3 books of Twilight for just a whole week. Come to think of it.

He introduced me to the world of online games on the very first day that we started to out. Isn’t it kinda odd? He should have brought me to a movie or dinner or whatever cheesy sweet activities a new couple should have done. But oh well I honestly enjoyed the fact that he is unique. He’s totally different from the other guys I’ve dated before. He introduced “Perfect world” an online RPG (role playing game).

That’s my character on top. He said I will surely enjoy playing it since there’s a character there that uses pet to battle and to be honest I find it cute. I never imagined that I will love it. I even top the level! And his a level behind me.  I played that game for, lets see… 5 years now? And I’m still playing it even until now. And ofcourse his still my boyfriend. I’ve never dated a guy before that lasted even a year. Could be that his the one. Or is it that this game is the one? Hahahaha kidding….

Later he introduced a new game to me since he knew he can no longer beat me in the “Perfect World” … hahaha  I started playing “League Of Legends”. At first I told him I don’t like it since its somewhat the same as DOTA “Defense of the Ancients”. I thought it has a complicated keys like DOTA or something. But I came to like it even more than “Perfect World”. Every time he comes home (were living together now) I told him about all the battles I had and with whom and everything about the game, and he said “well lets try your skills out” we played “1on1” custom game. And here it is;

I picked my best character “Caitlyn”, and he also picked his best. But heres what happened on the very first few minutes of the game;

Hahahahaha I drew the FIRST BLOOD out of him. I thought I wont be able to beat him in this type of game. And I guess you know happens next;

Now who says only guys can play? Come at me… hahahaha

Game + Girls = Epic Sure WIN…. 

Am I right? Hahahaha 

Betrayed

When I came to know you, you came to be my friend.
I detected your emotional bareness
And felt pity for your sins.
I could see the misery building up in your flooded eyes.
And could feel the agony deadening your heart, your soul, and mind.
I felt your want and urgency of wholesome fellowship.
So I came to be your friend in your time of need
and stuck by your side as thick as a tide indeed.
I began to trust your every word and every move.
For I had been in your very shoes.
In search for friends at one low point in my life.
Ones who would lift me up and be there for me.
I was fortunate to have found good friends and returned the gift
they gave me. Their friendship.
So I welcomed you as my friend and began to share my deepest secrets,
thoughts and fantasies with you.
Assuring you that my word stayed with you and only you.
I gave up my sincerity, my sympathy and loyalty to you.
Always sympathetic to your needs and concerns.
Hearing constantly every word of pain he brought to you.
Hearing every dirty talk said about you.
Your secrets became my secrets.
Most of all, I gave up the most important gift.
And that was my friendship.
It now seems to me that I gave it up for nothing,
You used and took advantage of the love I showed to you;
my friendship to you,
that was supposed to be valued
And trusted and lasting.
Now once again, I am suffering emotionally.
No, not cause I’m in search, and in need of friends.
But because I’ve been betrayed by one who had been called “my friend.”
One who I cordially invited to become “my friend”
One who I became a friend too.
Whom I thought was true.
But you can’t possibly turn to me just as I did you.
For you can’t be in my shoes cause you don’t recognize
that it takes a friend to be a friend.

MY Boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm actually on my free time right now . i have the leisure of typing as of the moment. my stupid boyfriend lock my room and now i cant enter my OWN room…. isn't that ridiculous? he’s simply stupid! his getting on my nerves. we only have one key to my room and his the one who keeps it. he went out to get something. i told him i’ll stay here in the terrace for a few minutes just to smoke for a awhile. when i was about to go back to my room only to find out it was freaking LOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his too stupid….stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid  stupid stupid stupid … Is there a word like supidiest? or supidier? spider whatever…. I’m pissed!!!!

My Revenge

In life, there are two choices: to move forward or to stagnate...


If you want to move forward, you have to turn your back from the past and face the present and the future with your eyes wide open...


You do not leave our other foot stuck in the past.  If you do, you immobilize and your failure will hold you back.


You are left to cope with "what if's" and "should have's" and a pile of regrets.  Nothing changes.
and if you feel this way, you start to believe that nothing will change.  If you sincerely want to change, drop the anger, the pain, the disappointments and  sad experiences behind you.  It's hard to leave the past.  It's difficult to forgive and forget the people who may have hurt you.  But you have to do it for your own peace of mind.


If you truly want to be free, you mentally close the door of the past firmly behind you and open 
another door to freedom. When you leave the past behind,  you don't carry over it into your present life like a  mental chart of the things or actions other people did to you.  You do not spend three hours a day wringing your hand and trying to understand why the unfortunate 
incident happened.  You do not moan over the unfair judgment passed on to you.  What you do, if you want to get positively even, is to recover so fast. As one writer says, "living well is the best revenge"...


Life is determined by the choices we make.  They will either make or break our lives...
sometimes, we come out unscathed.  Usually, we don't know.  It is up to us to mend our 
torn selves and put them back to pieces.  Only when this is done, can we say that we are free from the negative, misleading past.


"Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward..."

---Kat

Dilemma of Letting Go

Love is at its most exquisite form when it is truly given without bounds and reservations. is scent is at its peak, when we know that it is given to us because we deserve it, But accompanying the fact that no matter how fragrant Love could be, we should only embrace its warmth while it lasts, and freely open our arms when its time to say goodbye. The moment that we start loving another person, we should have put in our hearts that a genuine Love can only be measured by how much we made the other person happy, not by how long we have made them stayed with us.

It is a fact of Life that indeed, there are Love that grows, and Love that grows cold. There are moments that, even though we continue loving the person, it is not enough to keep the relationship going. That even in our hardest efforts to show them how much they mean to us, it is never enough to made them stay. More often than not, it is in our most desperate attempts to plead for their Love and Affection to hold them back, though we know in our hearts that the flame of their Love for us had already stopped burning. The reality of facing the world alone may be scary.But it will be more frightening to live in the world of Pretensions and Regrets.Because oftentimes, in reality no matter how sad it may be, it is in letting go that we truly express our love for the other person. not because we see the need to, but because, we know in our hearts that this may be the last opportunity that we have to make them feel the unconditional love that we are dying to continue to give them in spite of their rejection. The Art of Forgiveness and Moving on.

A dose of Bitterness is never a medicine to a broken heart. It is a one-way ticket to the road of Pretentions and Self-Deceit. The doors of the heart of the person who left may have closed right in front of our faces, but we should realize that the windows of Forgiveness have just been opened. It is true that most people who suffered from excruciating break-ups turned to "Anger" for companionship. The feeling The feeling of Betrayal is so contagious that we forget how much, even for once in our lives, the other person made us happy. It is normal to be angry somehow, because at first, there would be a lot of questions in our minds that could never be answered. That even though there may be a few answers, it would still seem to be vert difficult to grasp. Or maybe, still quite insufficient for us. It is a very enchanting fact of Life that we, as Humans, during those times that though we may have been deprived of the very thing that we chereished the most, it is in our inherent nature to strive to continue living and maintain the Faith and Passion that once burned in our hearts. Hatred and bitterness maybe a defense mechanism for a few, but dealing with Rejections through Acceptance that there are things beyond our abilities to control, will be a better remedy. We may try to make our way through suffering and agony by converting it into Anger, but it would be more painful for us, since we are forcing ourselves to forget the person by hating them or driving their presence away. Love, whether discontinued or going stronger, is still as splendid as we first felt it. It is the same "Love" that though grows in time, still as magical and mysterious as it ever was. There's nothing to be ashamed in loving the person who stopped loving us. this just proves that an unconditional love does not ask anything in return. the fact that we have given a chance to share and feel it, above al most important thing that counts.

It is not in loathing that we truly succeed in moving on with our lives. We should force ourselves to forget the person we had loved no matter how much pain and hurt they had given us. It will just eventually vanish when the right time comes. Because in truth, we may have lost it, but when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we still hear that feeling resounding silently forever...not necessarily to the same person, but with the same feeling of "Love", as splendid as it had always been to the person truly meant for us. We should remember that we are "most human" when we accept things that we cannot change....and we are in out strongest state when we let go of Hatred and Despair.

There's a very thin line between Loving and Living. To love is to live Life to the fullest. We can only find genuine happiness when we truthfully breathe the fact that there are persons that will come in our lives that are not really meant for us... they maybe destined to teach us how to love or to be a test of our strength. God gave us the power to Love, but He is the only one who has the power to Heal. Remember, god cannot heal a broken heart if we dont give him all the pieces.

Pure Nonsens

Imagine that it were a line with numbers ..., -2, -1, 0, 1, 2, ... where -1 would be yesterday, -2 day before yesterday, 0 right now, 1 tomorrow and so on.
Just for the having the mental picture, imagine that the line got bended at the point 0, so that -1 overlaps 1, -2 overlaps 2 and so on. It does not mean that tomorrow is happening at the same time as yesterday (for example).  However, it means that once the line overlaps, from the point 0 you can go only in one direction. With physical laws that are created and meant to function "at all times" under given circumstances, what you do is bending that line.  Therefore, when you say "Ball is accelerating toward the ground" it does not matter whether it is yesterday, now or tomorrow. What matters is that you have bended that line and going only in one direction, away from 0, denoted by the word "accelerating".
If ball could exist in past and present at the same time where the line is bent, then you would say that it was going backward in past (away from "now") and toward in future (away from "now"). In both situations, it was reaching the ground. Since it cannot be reaching the ground in both situations (knowing that as you go toward the past, further away from the ground the ball was), then it means that a thing cannot exist in future and past at the same time. Perhaps things could oscilate between future and past, but they cannot exist in both. If they oscilate, according to things that I have said, it means that event which you use as a marker of time is put in a loop, thus oscilation is possible. If it oscilates and moves in one direction, away or toward the 0, then there are many loops of the time marker/s.
As you go on a bent line in one direction only, try to imagine that line as a straight line again. "Ball is accelerating toward the ground" is assuming that past, present and future do not matter, thus it acts as a dimension on its own. So, the presentation of the line becomes a line with time markers and a half-sphere with a center at 0 that changes its radius depending on "what is going on". If event is closer to "now" the radius of the half-sphere is smaller. If event is further away from now, radius of the half-sphere is greater. Reason why I represented is as a spere is simply because there are imaginary objects/situations/numbers/entities that can be taken into account, thus they contribute to the full spectra of the dimension that is introduced by "Ball is accelerating toward the ground". Lets say that above the line denoting time you have a sphere representing actual events, and below, a sphere representing imaginary events.
What I like about this idea is that you can observe more things at once, or fold the time-line at different points and get more spheres. With many of such spheres, the general dimension becomes represented as a wave, and this I will use to make a comment concerning the communication between past and future.
Recall the bent line again. What happens when you bend it again, lets say at some point that represents identical events of past and future? For example, my monitor was monitor yesterday and will be a monitor tomorrow, so that is where the bent line is bent. For now, I would like to ignore the 0 that represents the "now", and assume that we bended the line very far away from the 0. You would be observing four lines, where one identical event is where the bent line was bent again (which is a monitor). From that point, you can only go in one direction. Going in that direction, and oscilating between the lines is what happens when past and future communicate. How would going in that one direction look on the line that is completely unfolded? It would look like a wave, meaning that you had to have imaginary entities somewhere along the line.
Simply to conclude all of this, having the wave as a dimension that represents "Ball is accelerating toward the ground" means that in order to use the ball as the communication device between the past and future, you have to know the past as well as the future, simply because you had to have imaginary entities introduced. So, to communicate between the past and the future, you would have to be able to know the future, meaning, you would have to be able to predict the future to get rid of imaginary entities.
However, the future is not predictable (in a way that there are no imaginary entities) since there are always too many variables to consider, thus there is no communication between the future and the past.
I hope this makes some sense at least.
Thanks [for beer].  These were just my thoughts, nothing that I have researched, checked or critically analyzed.  I could be completely wrong. Maybe I will change my opinion, but this is how I think right now.
just got out from work and I'm so bored that's why i have nothing to do and just made my none sense blog...but try to think it over...